I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
