Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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