Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize