Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
