a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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