She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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