we have pet lesbian snakes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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