Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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