Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
