considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
