You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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