i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
