you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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