My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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