The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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