I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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