My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
