Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
