apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
