My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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