trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
