I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
