Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
