Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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