dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
