so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
