Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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