It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
