you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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