if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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