Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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