You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
