Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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