so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
