Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
