His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize