coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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