Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
that is very illegal...i love you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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