OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
