I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
