But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
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"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize