I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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