All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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