Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
