The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
