im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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