Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
