I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
