I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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