Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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