I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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