cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
