question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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