The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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