that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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