why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
