dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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