Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
