she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
