That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
