Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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