I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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