dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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