Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
how drunk are you?
Several
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
how does that bad decision feel?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
