I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
