Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
