Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
