My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
