Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
