at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my shit smells like andre
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
