My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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